The Hero’s Journey - Part1. Lost in the Woods

When Capable Men Feel Lost

Many capable men feel anxious or lost without knowing why.
This article explains why it may be a natural stage of inner development.

When I started working with men, what struck me was how man can put up a brave face for so long.
Nobody would ever expect that there is something ‘wrong’ with them.
Until, one day, they collapse.
And start sinking… They sink deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom. And there they will stay for quite a while. In silence. Not moving. I call it ‘Zero state’.
And sometimes, after a while, it may be really hard to find the incentive coming back up to the surface again.

What is happening?

Many of the men I work with are, on the surface, doing well.
They are responsible, intelligent, often very successful - at their jobs, their family life and with friends.
They have learned how to function, perform, carrying responsibility and keep going — even under pressure.

And yet, at some point, something begins to shift.

They don’t always come with a clear problem. More often, they say things like:

“I don’t really recognise myself anymore.”
“I should be fine, but I’m not.”
“I feel restless, anxious, or strangely flat but I have no clue why.”

When this happens, many men assume something is wrong with them.
That they may have an illness. That they are burning out. Or that they might lose it altogether.
Those are scary thoughts.

But very often, what is happening is actually something else that they are not being told.
Their old inner map no longer fits the journey they are about to embark.

Why modern men struggle with transition

In earlier cultures, men were guided through transitions. There were shared expectations, mentors, and rituals that marked psychological change. Some tribal cultures that survived still celebrate those initiations through rituals.

Modern men rarely have that support.

Instead, they are expected to remain competent and composed while navigating increasing pressure — at work, in relationships, and within themselves. Nobody really prepared men that they go through transitions. (Which, by the way, differ greatly from the transitions that women go through).

So when anxiety, burnout, or loss of direction appears, it feels personal and isolating.
And men often prefer not to talk about their vulnerabilities or they may be seen as weak.

But these experiences are not signs of failure. They are signs of a deep, inner development.
I often liken it to a fairytale where the hero is lost in the deep, dark forest. Its night. There is no light. And it’s dark and cold. And there are eerie sounds…..

It’s what C.G.Jung called ‘The Dark Night of the Soul’.
It’s a passage, an initiation.

You are not broken

If you feel lost despite being capable, something important may be changing.

Recognising that fact is often the first step toward clarity.